That's When You Find Yourself

Most girls have the entire lives planned out before they enter the first grade:

1. When I am 16, I will marry Prince Charming

2. My wedding will be in June. My colors will be pink and green, and my dress will look like Ariel’s (The Little Mermaid).

You get the picture. Maybe your life plan doesn’t start like this, but we all (boys, included!) plan our lives somehow.

For me, I wanted to study political science and journalism. My college summers were to be filled with internships with the top dogs (talk shows, news stations, state representatives). I wanted to marry right out of college, live in a big city (Chicago, NYC, DC), and get a job that was important and paid big money.

What happened?

I didn’t get in a car crash and travel to Heaven and back. I didn’t get visited by three spirits.

But some things did happen that changed what I thought about life. It was a kind of identity crisis.

Shortly, I am none of those things that I mentioned before. And sometimes I look back at my dreams for myself and I wish I had done it. I wish I were a fast-talking political pundit. I wish I lived in a chic condo in the big city, making a seven-digit salary. I wish I were married; that somebody would choose to intimately love me.

Right now:

! Job  I am a product of our recession—I’m underemployed, and frustrated in looking for full-time work. I want so badly to support myself, and to stand up on my own two feet.

! Relationship  I’ve never had a close friendship, and am not willing to enter a romantic relationship yet.

! Time  Because I don’t have a full-time job (nor much money to spend!), I have lots of time. I often feel like I’m wasting it because I’m not crazily busy. I’ve grown to love sewing, cross-stitching, audio books, reading , and playing piano.

So all this put together makes me feel like my life is a waste. “Is this my life? This isn’t what I planned. It shouldn’t be like this!”

And then I think, “but is it bad?”  What do you think?

Right now:

! Job  I love being a teacher. I love my four-year-olds. Who else could make me "swim" like a fish down a school hallway, or find me captivated while watching Pooh Bear's Great Adventure, or exuding more patience than an ant moving Mount Everest? When I am with them, I know I can change lives. I love the people I work with. They change me, too, for good; they are concerned about me. And, I love them, too.

! Relationship  Like I just said, I have my kids. I have my co-workers. Actually, I hate calling them co-workers. Some of them have become like a mother to me. Thank you. Also, my family will always be my family. My dad is one of the kindest, most patient people I know. Above all, I've learned that my God loves me and directs my steps. Thank you, Abba.

! Time  Is this a blessing? I’ve made a few crafty things, and enjoyed it. I’ve listened to some inspiring audiobooks, and read some quality literary works. I’ve even taken up piano again. Is it wrong to do this? I don’t believe so. I believe it is a gift.

Maybe these are “blessings in disguise.” No, it isn’t what I planned, but. . .

“When we go through life
So sure of where we're heading
And we wind up lost and it's
The best thing that could have happened
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well
Because you find yourself
Yeah, that's when you find yourself.”

Yes, I'm happy. I'm blessed, whether I feel like it or not. Thank you, Lord, for being so good to me.

So good ahead and color your life. Be content. Grow where you are planted.